The purpose of this post is to illustrate the issue with “us vs them” when it comes to gender. This post will have beneficial statement suggestions in the middle of the blog instead of at the end. At the end of this post are examples in every day settings of how we are influenced by imposed gender constructs.
Some may have an issue with this post, but in my opinion, bigotry, prejudice, and bias need to be acknowledge and addressed in spiritual work just as much as anything else. Whether we like it or not, all of us have subconscious patterns and programs regarding these things.
If you want to see how you may be consciously and subconsciously influenced by bias, take a moment to ask yourself these questions and answer them as honestly as you can. You can write them down and come back to them later for ideas as to how the address the topic.
What does being a man mean to you? What are the expectations of men? What are the characteristics of men? What does being a woman mean to you? What are the expectations of women? What are the characteristics of women? What roles do each gender play? Should they play specific roles? If a person is in a relationship, do (or should) the expectations change? If a person is single, are these expectations different? Is either gender superior to the other? Is either gender inferior to the other?
After you answer these questions, go back and ask yourself if what you wrote only applies to one gender or the other. A typical characteristic used to describe a man is “strong.” And it’s true that men are strong. There are many men in my life who I’ve seen display great strength. It’s also true that women are strong. There are many women in my life who I’ve seen display great strength. It’s also true that non-binary are strong. There are many non-binary in my life who I’ve seen display great strength. So, why do we typically only view men as strong?
A typical characteristic used to describe a woman is “nurturing.” And it’s true that women are nurturing. It’s also true for men. It’s also true for non-binary. There are many people in my life in all of these categories who I’ve seen be nurturing. So, why do we typically only view women as nurturing?
Even gender stuff can accidentally create an us vs them mentality. Unfortunately, a pattern that seems to occur with us vs them is that it then creates a “good vs bad” and/or “superior vs inferior” mentality as well. A mild version of this is that one is “slightly better than the other” or one is “slight less than the other”, which still creates a superior/inferior viewpoint on the matter.
If a person views one gender as superior to the other, it makes sense why they are so focused on treating their gender as an absolute. That men are men and women are women and there is no in-between and no discussion on the matter.
Another reason I’m prompted to post this is because we are seeing time and time again with women’s sports, women being torn apart or being challenged as being women because of their strength that is too “masculine” for some people. With sports, there is pattern of talented, strong, unfeminine (according to individual bias as to what constitutes “feminine”) women being torn down and insulted for thriving. And if a woman has a high level of testosterone production compared to the average population, they are sometimes not allowed to compete.
Physiological Sex:
First, let’s get physiological sex out of the way. Physiological sex of a person is determined by a combo of biological sex, genetic sex, and chromosomal sex as well as the expression of their hormones.
Physiological Sex is a Spectrum:
Chromosomes:
- A person can have XY chromosomes, but their body is androgen insensitive, so they present as female.
- A person can have XY chromosomes and have both male and female reproductive organs.
- A person can have XY chromosomes and miss the SRY gene, so they present as female
- A person can have XX chromosomes and have the SRY gene, so they present as male.
- A person can have XXY chromosomes, so they present male
- A person can have XX chromosomes and XY chromosomes due to chimerism
- A person can have XX chromosomes, but their adrenal glands don’t produce enough cortisol, so their body presents as male
Rebecca Helm gives the example for XY missing the SRY gene; “A Y with no SRY means physically you’re female, chromosomally you’re male (XY), and genetically you’re female (no SRY)” (Helm).
And for that XX with a SRY? “An X with an SRY means you’re physically male, chromosomally female (XX) and genetically male (SRY)” (Helm).
Intersex “is a general term used for a variety of situations in which a person is born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit the boxes of “female” or “male.” […] Some intersex people […] [have] both ovarian and testicular tissues. Other intersex people have combinations of chromosomes that are different than XY (usually associated with male) and XX (usually associated with female), like XXY. And some people are born with external genitals that fall into typical male/female categories, but their internal organs or hormones don’t.” (PlannedParenthood.org)
For “noticeably atypical in terms of genitalia […] [intersex occurs] about 1 in 1500 to 1 in 2000 births. But a lot more people than that are born with subtler forms of sex anatomy variations, some of which won’t show up until later in life.” (isna.org)
“Total number of people whose bodies differ from standard male or female one in 100 births.” (isna.org)
“Called the third gender, evidence for their existence in Hindu society can be found in Hindu holy texts like the Ramayana and the Mahabharata, where Hindu hero Arjuna becomes the third gender. Third gender people have often been revered throughout South Asian history; for example, Muslim rulers of the Mughal Empire in the 15th to 19th centuries were generous patrons of third gender Indians. Many rose to significant positions of power under both Hindu and Muslim rulers. In 2014, it was estimated that around 3 million third gender people live in India alone.” (Rhude 2018).
Hormones:
Again, utilizing Rebecca Helm’s expertise: “’Hormonal male’ means you produce ‘normal’ levels of male-associated hormones. Except some percentage of females will have higher levels of ‘male’ hormones than some percentage of males. Ditto ditto ‘female’ hormones” (Helm).
I want to emphasize here that I’m about to refer to natural testosterone production in female athletes. We can already see how trying to impose a “normal” level of testosterone amongst the female population is harmful. Caster Semenya (female from birth and recognized as female) was discriminated against when World Athletics forced her to medically reduce her natural hormone levels or she couldn’t compete in major competitions. She has been barred from racing since 2019 and as of 2023, while the court ruled in her favor.. While Semenya has a condition that causes her to have naturally high testosterone (typical in male range), the fact that she is not allowed to compete due to this advantage. Three other Olympic female athletes have been impacted by the testosterone limits placed on female athletes, but there are no testosterone limits placed on male athletes. (Imray 2023)
The mistreatment of these female athletes suggests a lot in the us vs them when it comes to sex and gender because Michael Phelps has condition that helps him produce less lactic acid that the typical athlete (male and female athletes). This allows him to recover faster and swim longer than his counterparts. This is a blatant biological advantage, yet he is allowed to compete without having to inject anything to reach “normal” lactic acid levels to make it “fair.” And, by the way, I think it’s more than fair that he can compete with his advantage. And female athletes should be allowed to too.
Energetic Physiological Standpoint:
There are many holistic practices that view every person as having a balance of masculine and feminine energies in their body.
In TCM, all life (including people) has (and needs) balance between masculine (yang) and feminine (yin) energies (TCM World). TCM is about a 3000-year-old practice (Gu 2017).
In Ayurveda, all life (including people) has (and needs) masculine (purusha) and feminine (prakrti) energies within them that need to be balanced (Everest Ayurveda). Ayurveda has been around for over 3000 years (Ayurveda 2019).
In the energy healing community and New Age community and other similar communities, Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine are talked about. It is talked about in these communities how we need to balance the feminine and masculine energies within us.
One could point out that from an energetic level, a healthy individual is at least bigender because they need a healthy balance of both feminine and masculine energies.
Gender is a Social Construct:
What is gender anyway? Gender refers to characteristics that include “behaviors and roles associated with being a woman, man, girl, or boy, as well as relationships with each other. As a social construct, gender varies from society to society and can change over time” (WHO).
Remember the questions at the beginning of this blog? If a woman, man, girl, and boy can all be nurturing, can that be a gender characteristic? If a woman, man, girl, and boy can all be strong, can that be a gender characteristic?
We already know physiological sex doesn’t work as an absolute, but a spectrum, so why would gender be any different?
So why have gender? Why create the Us vs Them?
Trying to create rigid physiological and gender differences makes it easier to create a hierarchal system of one being superior to the other. It makes it easier to create inequalities that take advantage of and control the group that is deemed inferior” with the excuse of “protecting” the “weaker” and “more emotional” group. Can you guess which gender falls into which category with the way current society is set up?
Gender is a made-up set of behaviors and rules that don’t actually exist and shouldn’t be treated as rigidly or taken as seriously as it is.
Now, if a person loves to wear dresses and make up and that makes them feel “feminine,” go for it. If a person loves to lift weights and roughhouse and that makes them feel “masculine,” go for it. But, if you see someone else lifting weights and they don’t view it as a manly thing, leave them alone. They are right in how they feel. If you see someone else strutting around in a skirt, but they don’t view it as a lady thing, leave them alone.
It’s okay that you view your expression of your gender(s) by implementing certain behaviors or roles, but that doesn’t make it true for everyone.
Let People Express Their Definition of Gender:
We know physiological sex isn’t as cut and dry as we once thought. We know gender is a social construct. So, why would it matter if a male born person wants to present themselves as a woman? Why would it matter if a female born person wants to present themselves as a man? Why would it matter if a person wants to present themselves are non-binary? Males and females, men and women, boys and girls, however you want to phrase it, all of them are and shoulder be treated equally. So why not let people present how they want and call them the names and pronouns they choose? It makes them happy and improves their quality of life and doesn’t take away from anyone else.
It’s not new to have a male born person present themselves to society as female. Evidence of priests who wore feminine attire and presented as women dates as far back at 5000 and 200 B.C. in Sumer and Ancient Greece respectively (HRC Foundation). There are female born persons who also would present themselves to society as male. Their sex at birth often wasn’t discovered until after their death.
Beneficial Statements:
- All genders are equal.
- All genders are worthy of love and respect.
- All types of people are equal.
- All types of people are worthy of love and respect.
- I embrace and express my feminine energy.
- I embrace and express my masculine energy.
- It is okay for me to be ______. (stereotypical feminine trait)
- It is okay for me to be ______. (stereotypical masculine trait)
- It is okay for me to embrace my feminine energy.
- It is okay for me to embrace my masculine energy.
- It is okay for me to express my feminine energy.
- It is okay for me to express my masculine energy.
- It is safe for me to embrace my feminine energy.
- It is safe for me to embrace my masculine energy.
- It is safe for me to express my feminine energy.
- It is safe for me to express my masculine energy.
- My feminine and masculine energies complement each other.
- My feminine and masculine energies live in harmony within me.
- My feminine and masculine energies live in harmony.
- My feminine side is worthy of love and respect.
- My masculine side is worthy of love and respect.
Absolutes? Absolutely Not:
Treating genders as absolutes and acting as though males and females are very different affects everything in our lives. Below are just a few examples that all of us have been subjected to. There are way more examples and instances than those listed, but there isn’t a way to fully talk about it in a post without it turning into a dissertation.
Fashion/Clothes:
Children’s clothes are different. Girls sizes (even when marked the same size as boys) tend to be smaller and cut differently from boys. Girls clothes tend to be cut to mimic women’s clothing. Also, the quality of the fabric is better in boys clothes than girls clothes.
Not to mention the designs that vastly different between boys and girls. Princesses, unicorns, hearts, and all things cute tend to be more on girls clothes. Superheroes, science stuff, dinosaurs, and the like tend to be more on boys clothes.
I don’t know about y’all, but TMNT was one of my favorite shows growing up and you better believe I was going for boys clothes that had that design. And I was lucky enough to grow up in a place that girls wearing boys clothes was acceptable. You were a “tom boy.”
What about the boys? What is a boy wants to wear a shirt covered in hearts? What if they want a cute unicorn shirt? What is your first response to that visual? Hopefully, you feel neutral or celebrate the child picking that shirt just as much as you would a girl picking out a superhero shirt. If you felt “off” or “uncomfortable” about the thought of a boy wearing a heart shirt, why? Why wouldn’t we want boys to love hearts and unicorns?
What about boys who want to wear cute dresses or skirts that dance around them as they twirl? Why are skirts and dresses considered girly? Why can only girls wear them? Why is it bad for boys to wear them?
How would wearing a skirt make you a boy or a girl? How would wearing a dress make you a boy or a girl? They don’t. They’re just clothes.
What about for adults? In current United States society, it is deemed “unmanly” or feminine to wear a dress, skirt, makeup, and/or heels. Robes, tunics, togas, and other garments that are close enough to a dress (or sometimes the same) have been worn by men and women both over the centuries in various societies. Why are dresses a problem? “Makeup dates all the way back to 6000 BCE, starting with the Egyptians. They created it as they believed makeup was next to godliness and that it appealed to the Gods; both men and women of all social classes wore makeup.” (Teens 2021). “Heeled shoes were originally worn by men, and have been found in the histories of 10th century Persian and 3500 BC Egyptian life. […] the 18th century saw women begin to adopt high heels into their fashion.” (Murphy 2022).
Like a . . .
Insults and complements are different. A woman being “strong like a man” or a girl “throwing like a boy” are said to try to emphasis strength and that this woman and girl are above other women or girls in their respective categories. A man “crying like a woman” or a boy “throwing like a girl” are said to try to emphasis being overly emotional or weak and that this man and boy are below other men or boys in their respective categories.
Basically, using the terms “like a woman” or “like a girl” are meant to be insults.
Viewed Different When in Position of Power:
“Numerous studies across many different countries, different age groups, etc. have consistently demonstrated that when individuals think of the typical leader or manager, they think of a male. They think of those male characteristics. So when you see that aggressive male leader – confident, intelligent, decisive, exercising authority – the world feels right. In contrast, when you consider a female leader, you have inconsistent stereotypes being triggered.
“A female leader is supposed to be strong and authoritative, know her stuff, hold her ground and speak her mind, but while doing that, she is simultaneously also supposed to come off as sweet, supportive, nice, communal, kind and gentle — all of those expectations of what an appropriate woman is supposed to be. As a woman who’s worked in the business world, that’s really hard to do simultaneously and the failure to do that triggers a lot of bad things for women leaders. That inconsistency contributes to prejudice against female leaders.
“If the female leader is too communal, she’s seen as a poor leader and too weak. If they’re too agentic, they’re seen as competent but they’re unlikable and for women, likeability is a requirement for success. For men, it’s nice to be likeable but there’s a lot more leeway for a man than a woman to be likable and be tough.
“That creates what we call the Double Bind, which is having to walk a tightrope between being simultaneously assertive and smart in order to be seen as competent while simultaneously being nice and warm in order to meet stereotypes of communality. The people that don’t navigate that tight rope well will be either labeled as an incompetent or as a bitch.” (Wofford).
Masculine Discrepancy Stress (MDS):
Males are not doing well with rigid traditional masculine gender roles either. And they’re taking it out on others, mainly their intimate partners.
Masculine discrepancy stress is defined as “stress that occurs when men perceive themselves as falling short of the traditional gender norms” (Reidy 2016).
Males on the high end of gender role discrepancy stress had significantly more assaults with a weapon and assaults causing injury (Reidy 2016). Masculine discrepancy stress has been found to “significantly predict[] men’s historical perpetration of [intimate partner violence] independent of other masculinity related variables” (Reidy 2014).
Boys who experience MDS are more likely to engage in sexual violence (Reidy 2015).
This isn’t to say that masculine discrepancy stress is the only reason a male would engage in intimate partner violence. And it certainly doesn’t excuse the behavior. It is just another example that rigid gender roles aren’t helpful to anyone.
Conclusions:
There are many, many examples out there besides the ones briefly mentioned here of gender being placed in rigid structures and the harmful ramifications it has on everyone. By trying to separate male and female, it gives an opportunity for people to claim one is “superior” to another. In truth, no gender is superior to another.
Gender “norms” are social constructs and it would be better if we let people be who they authentically are. Let people identify themselves as women. Let people identify themselves as men. Let people identify themselves as non-binary. Let people be who they are and express who they are.
References:
Helm, R. Posted by United Humanist’s (2024, Sept 24). https://www.facebook.com/unitedhumanists/posts/rebecca-helm-a-biologist-and-an-assistant-professor-at-the-university-of-north-c/946533480849365/
Parenthood, P. (n.d.). What is intersex?: Definition of Intersexual. Planned Parenthood. Retrieved May 4, 2023, from https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/gender-identity/sex-gender-identity/whats-intersex
Isna.org. (n.d.). How common is intersex? Intersex Society of North America. Retrieved May 4, 2023, from https://isna.org/faq/frequency/
Rhude, K. (2018). The third gender and Hijras. Religion and Public Life at Harvard Divinity School. Retrieved May 5, 2023, from https://rpl.hds.harvard.edu/religion-context/case-studies/gender/third-gender-and-hijras
Imray, G. (2023, July 11). Human rights court rules in favor of Olympic champion Semenya, testosterone rules may persist. PBS News. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/human-rights-court-rules-in-favor-of-olympic-champion-semenya-over-testosterone-rules
TCM World. (2015, August 31). Yin / Yang Theory. TCM World. https://www.tcmworld.org/what-is-tcm/yin-yang-theory/.
Gu, S., & Pei, J. (2017, June 16). Innovating Chinese herbal medicine: From traditional health practice to scientific drug discovery. Frontiers in pharmacology. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5472722/
Everest Ayurveda. (2021, March 15). Basic ayurvedic principles. Everest Ayurveda. Retrieved May 5, 2023, from https://www.everest-ayurveda.com/basic-ayurvedic-principles-3761
Ayurveda. Ayurveda | Johns Hopkins Medicine. (2019, December 2). https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/ayurveda
HRC Foundation. (n.d.). Seven things about trans people that you didn’t know. Human Rights Campaign. https://www.hrc.org/resources/seven-things-about-transgender-people-that-you-didnt-know
WHO. World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/health-topics/gender
ParentCo. (n.d.). 5 unexpected gender differences in children’s clothing. ParentCo. Retrieved May 5, 2023, from https://www.parent.com/blogs/conversations/5-unexpected-gender-differences-in-childrens-clothing
Teens. (2021, September 24). Jood’s brief history of Makeup. Halifax Public Libraries. Retrieved May 5, 2023, from https://www.halifaxpubliclibraries.ca/blogs/post/teen-volunteer-joods-brief-history-of-makeup/
Murphy, P. (2022, February 15). The History of High Heels. Study.com | Take Online Courses. Earn College Credit. Research Schools, Degrees & Careers. Retrieved May 5, 2023, from https://study.com/learn/lesson/high-heels-history-origin-invented.html
Wofford, C. (n.d.). https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/ayurvedaeCornell #IMPACT. Retrieved May 5, 2023, from https://ecornell-impact.cornell.edu/women-are-bossy-and-men-are-decisive/
Reidy DE, Berke DS, Gentile B, Zeichner A. (2016) Masculine discrepancy stress, substance use, assault and injury in a survey of US men. Inj Prev. 2016 Oct;22(5):370-4. doi: 10.1136/injuryprev-2015-041599. Epub 2015 Aug 24. PMID: 26303670; PMCID: PMC5881164.
Reidy DE, Berke DS, Gentile B, Zeichner A. (2015) Man enough? Masculine discrepancy stress and intimate partner violence, Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 68, 2014, Pages 160-164, ISSN 0191-8869, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2014.04.021.
Reidy DE, Smith-Darden JP, Cortina KS, Kernsmith RM, Kernsmith, PD. (2015). Masculine Discrepancy Stress, Teen Dating Violence, and Sexual Violence Perpetration Among Adolescent Boys. Journal of Adolescent Health, Volume 56, Issue 6, 619 – 624