Dr. Stephen Karpman created the Karpman Drama Triangle that outlines various scenarios and conflicts that involve three players: rescue, persecutor, and the victim. For more information about his work, you can go to karpmandramatriangle.com.
The purpose of this blog is to introduce a Venn Diagram version of the Hero-Victim-Villain Paradigm as well as introduce ways to identify what roles a person may be playing and in what areas of their life.
Before I dive into this blog, please know that I think we all have hero, villain, and victim aspects within us. We’ve all had times where we’ve helped others. We’ve all had times where we’ve hurt others. We’ve all had times where we’ve been hurt by others. These roles are included in our vast collection of archetypes each of us has within us that help us with our individual human expressions, but we aren’t meant to be boxed into any one role. We aren’t meant to have only one quality, characteristic, or archetype that defines us. Most conflicts aren’t all or none roles or situations.
Also, perceptions don’t make it reality. Someone may feel like they are being “attacked” but it may be the other person is standing up for themselves. Someone may feel like they are being “attacked” but the person may be calling them out on their rude or harmful behavior. Someone may feel like they are being attacked and they are. There could be varying levels of truth that all of these are happening in one situation. Someone may be called out on their rude behavior, but the level of reprimand doesn’t match their wrongdoing. How many children are spanked for minor issues? Were you ever spanked for a minor issue? Would those same situations be seen as battery or assault if the adult had physically harmed another adult for that same issue?
For those who are in, have been in, and are overcoming abusive situations, please keep in mind that in an abusive relationship, the percentages spent in specific roles are going to be pretty consistent compared to healthy relationships. In healthy relationships, it’s a blend. In an abusive relationship, one person may be the victim 100% of the time in every conflict in that relationship. There may be times in relationships outside of that abusive relationship that the one person’s role may be different, but please don’t use those outside relationships as a reason to stay in the abusive one.
It’s okay if there are conflicts and relationships that feel muddled or confusing. It’s okay if you aren’t sure which times you’ve been playing which role and to what percentage. You can go to a professional to help better identify and understand what roles you may be playing in which situations.
Definitions: Courtesy of https://www.merriam-webster.com/
- Intention: determination to act a certain way
- Perception: an observation or mental image according to the person’s level of comprehension and bias
- Projection: placing one’s own ideas, feelings, or attitudes onto another person, other peoples, or object(s)
- Reality: the totality of real things and events
- Relative: a thing having a connection with or necessary dependence on another thing
- Transference: redirecting of feelings and desires and especially of those unconsciously retained from childhood toward a new object or person
Figure 1: Venn Diagram of Hero, Villain, and Victim Paradigm
Hero: person who saves; admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities; of great strength or ability; doing something brave or achieving something great
- If a person always has to be the hero, they need a victim and a villain. The hero has to look out and care for others. There is no day off. The hero has to get it right. The hero has to be good. The hero needs the villain who is the adversary and who the hero may view as inferior, superior, or equal to them. The hero needs the victim who they view as inferior to them. If the hero does not view the victim as inferior, then at least the victim needs to be saved or cared for.
- Heroes tend to be rewarded for their bravery and for saving the victim. It could be with money, fame, romance, sex, or the like.
- What if the hero has no one to save? What if the hero has no adversary? What if the hero isn’t rewarded? No conflict? What if no one is weak? What if no one is inferior or superior to the hero?
Victim: person harmed, injured, killed, tricked, or duped because of actions of someone else, something else, or chance
- If a person always have to be the victim, they need a hero and a villain. The victim needs to be saved. The victim is helpless and has no control. The victim tends to view the hero as superior to them. The victim may view the villain as superior (or at least stronger in some way) than
- What if the victim has no one to rescue them? What if the victim has no one antagonizing or harming them? No conflict? What if they’re as strong as everyone else?
Villain: person who harms; enacts evil action, harms others, and creates ruin; purposefully causes harm and bad things to happen; performs against another’s will
- If a person always have to be the villain, they need a hero and a victim. The villain needs to be misunderstood or have everything the villain does viewed as bad. The villain has to prove they are right no matter how wrong they are. The villain needs the hero who is their adversary and who the villain may view as inferior, superior or equal to them. The villain needs the victim who they view as inferior to them.The villain needs someone to harm and take their pain out on.
- Villains tend to be punished for their wrongdoings. It could be by losing all of their materials, being confined, losing the one person they love, death, and the like.
- What if the villain has no adversary? What if they have no one to take their baggage out on? No one to torture? What if the villain isn’t punished? No conflict? What if no one is weak?
Combos of the Hero & Victim are roles like the martyr and sacrifice. They are saving while they are also being harmed. Or they are viewed as saving others while they are also being harmed. “The sacrifice for the greater good” types. There are those in this category who want to be a hero to the point that they are being harmed and they may subconsciously view it as evidence of their heroics. I can’t tell you how many chronic pain conditions I come across where the person has sacrificed so much for their family, friends, work, etc. that their body finally says “enough” and breaks down. They are harming themselves while saving others.
- What if there is no one to sacrifice for? What if it’s okay for them to put themselves first too? What if they made themselves a priority too? What if they don’t have to hurt themselves to help others? What if they don’t need to sacrifice themselves to be helpful?
Combos of the Hero & Villain are roles like the renegade and vigilante. They are saving while they are also harming. Or they are viewed by some as saving while others view them as harming. Or they view themselves as saving while others view them as harming, which almost falls into the full villain category. I feel like this illustrates how intertwined the hero and villain roles are and how much they can vary based on who is telling the story.
- What if there is no villain or victim in this conflict? What if there is no one to blame? What if there is no one to save?
Combos of the Victim & Villain are roles like the outcast and scapegoat. They are harmed while they are also harming. Or they are viewed by some as harming while others view them as being harmed. Or they view themselves as harmed while others view them as harming. The scapegoat especially tends to have people who do in fact view them as the villain (even though they aren’t) while they themselves hopefully know they are the victim. So, while in reality the scapegoat may not be the villain, some peoples’ perceptions view them that way.
- What if they were accepted by others? What if they found their group that loves and accepts them? Do they love and accept everyone? What if those people that don’t love them just aren’t compatible with them? Do they even actually like and want to associate with people who treat them poorly?
Combos of the Hero, Victim, & Villain are roles like the avenger and narcissist. They are saving, harming, and being harmed. Or they are viewed by some as harming while others view them as saving and yet others view them as being harmed. Or they were harmed and are also harming while viewing themselves as saving. Or they were harmed and are also saving while viewing themselves as harming. Or any combo there of from both the external and internal environment. While I didn’t include this in the Venn Diagram, an empath can fit into this combo if they aren’t careful. Why? Because with all of their focus on others and not having boundaries to protect themselves, they tend to harm themselves by taking on others’ energy, emotions, etc. Meaning, they are being a villain to themselves.
- What if people go payback without them doing anything? What if they don’t need to get back at those who harmed them? What if they don’t need retribution? What if they’re holding onto the past? What if they’re projecting past really villains onto people who aren’t actually villains?
What about sidekicks? What about other supporting characters? Really, we all play secondary characters in other peoples’ stories. We should be the main character in our story while honoring the fact that we are secondary in other peoples’ stories. When we don’t respect that both exist simultaneously, we can have situations where we allow someone else to take charge of our life because we treat them like the main character of our story. Or we can have situations where we treat others like they should treat us like we’re the main character in their story, creating “main character syndrome” situations.
Figure 1 doesn’t give full insight to the hero-victim-villain paradigm, but I hope this illustrates how interchangeable they can be. And how there are grey areas where the person may be each of these aspects at different levels. And the players can change based on perceptions and who is telling the story. And they can be perceived as percentages and based on each person’s experience who interactions with the person. Basically, it’s all relative. The only consistent fact is all require conflict.
None of these are necessarily true, but it’s just a perception. All require trauma or conflict of some sort. Also, this illustrates the importance of not being caught up in always having to be in this paradigm. There are times when we are any of these parts, but it shouldn’t define our entire life. Also, I feel like if I was taught that hero/villain perception is relative and it’s okay to be perceived as a villain, then I would have stood up for myself a lot more. Being empowered that for some people, I am the villain in their story just by standing up for myself or having boundaries, would have prevented at least some of the pain I experienced. Also, it gives us an opportunity to examine our actions. There are times where we feel our actions are justified, but there are casualties or we accidently hurt people who did nothing wrong to us. For those people, we are the villain. We have to be aware of this so we can be more mindful of the times when we decide to enter this cycle. Also, this shows that if we were once a victim, we have to be mindful about how to come to terms because it is possible that we move into a harming role. The narcissists I know were victims in their childhoods. Their being a victim in childhood doesn’t excuse where they are now, but it illustrates how important it is to reflect on and get help with these things.
Sometimes another person’s view of us is accurate. Sometimes their view of us is a projection of the type of secondary character they need to fulfill their paradigm. They may have cast us in that role even though we don’t fit the role. We may physically look or sound close enough to how that role is supposed to be for them that it’s good enough for what they need. Sometimes it’s a combo of both.
Seeing how convoluted this paradigm can be, does it make sense why it can be dangerous to always want a villain to be punished or a hero to be rewarded?
- Person A rejects Person B’s advances. Person A isn’t interested in dating Person B. Person B suddenly feels like a victim and that Person A is the villain for saying “no.” They may feel Person A should be punished. It could be a physical or verbal attack. Should this have happened? No. Person A wasn’t a villain any more than Person B was a victim.
- Person C rescued Person D from an unsafe situation. Person C now feels Person D should show appreciation to them for being a hero. Person C feels they should be rewarded for their good deed. But what if the reward is something Person D doesn’t want to do? Then what? Should Person C expect a reward for a good deed? No. Person D isn’t automatically obligated to reward Person C. Also, what if the situation wasn’t actually unsafe? What if it was a get together that Person D asked Person C to attend. Person C didn’t want to go, but reluctantly gives in. Now they expect a reward. Does that change the level of obligation or how much of a reward they deserve?
- Person E is in an abusive relationship with Person F. But Person F has convinced Person E that they “did X wrong” or “did a bad thing” and Person F “has to punish them.” The “look what you made me do” or “if you just did exactly what I said” or “if you just didn’t make me mad then I wouldn’t have hurt you.” The tragedy is Person E didn’t do anything to deserve this treatment, but Person F has them convinced they are in fact a villain. And villains deserve to get punished.
- Trade in the term “villain” for “sinner.” If a person is convinced they are sinful and deserve to be punished, how much abuse are they going to take and how little are they going to stand up for themselves because they are convinced they deserve it?
Below are suggestions to self-identify what role(s) one may be playing in their life. At the very end is a list of suggestions to test which areas one may be playing the -victim-villain of. As always, if exploring any of this work is overwhelming, please go to a professional. They can give you tools and methods as well as support to help make the whole process better.
How to Identify if We’re Stuck in a Role and Release It:
To subconsciously figure out if you’re stuck in one of these roles and if it’s in a specific area of your life you can: pendulum test, sway test, muscle test, and/or body check test. The first three methods can be found on different websites, blogs, and in the ebook “Revealing Your Diamond.”
Body Check Test: Say one of the questions suggested below (aloud or internally) with eyes closed and notice how your body responds to it. Do you get an answer immediately to the question? Does the question cause an uncomfortable sensation? Do you notice any physical symptoms? Do you notice any emotions or feelings that you hadn’t noticed before? Do you notice any memories, visuals, sounds, smells, or anything else? A combo of all of it? Write down what is going on and where. If you don’t have a memory, but want to know when it all first started, you can always pendulum test, sway test, or muscle test to determine the age.
Once you figure out what role you’re stuck in and what area, there are multiple methods you can use to help clear out some of the patterns that may be holding you in that area. Methods you can clear out patterns as well as incorporate beneficial statements can be found in “Aim for Average” blog. If it still seems like it’s difficult to incorporate or the thought of incorporating the definition is uncomfortable or overwhelming, seeking a professional to help you navigate this may be the best course of action.
Questions:
Am I playing a role in the hero-victim-villain paradigm? Which role(s)? Which avenue of my life? Does my role change when I’m home vs at work vs financial etc? Am I stuck in this role? Am I afraid to leave this role? Do I feel this is the only safe role for me to play?
If conflict occurs, do I assume I’ll always be placed in a specific role? Do I search for conflict to remain in that role? Do I create conflict to remain in that role?
When did this start? How? Who gave me this role? Did I give it to myself? Is my perception of this true? Is the perception of the one who gave me this role true? What aspects are true? What aspects are false? Do I have an internal Hero-Victim-Villain Paradigm? Does it differ from the external paradigms I play a role in?
What if I am playing one of these roles and that role is being ignored? Can these scenarios create an emptiness because no one is playing the roles that I need to fulfill this paradigm? Like playing a three-person (or more) game solo? Am I inclined to try to find anyone to fill these roles? Do I project the roles I need fulfilled onto others? Do I transfer past feelings of these roles onto others? Do I see heroes everywhere? Do I see victims everywhere? Do I see villains everywhere?
What does a hero mean to me? What does a villain mean to me? What does a victim mean to me? Are these definitions accurate? What does a hero look and sound like? What does a victim look and sound like? What does a villain look and sound like? How many heroes, victims, and villains can exist at one time? If I try to imagine the hero, victim, or villain looking different, how does that make me feel? Is there a bias or prejudice there? Where did these viewpoints come from?
What is there to gain from me being in this narrative? Do I expect rewards for everything I do? Do I expect to be punished for everything I do? Do I expect a person to be rewarded if I think they are a hero? Do I expect them to be punished if I think they are a villain? Is there something I am trying to prove by playing this role? Is there something I am trying to disprove?
What would be a healthier, more beneficial perception to have with any of these situations? Is anything blocking or preventing me from changing my perception? Am I looking onto another’s perception of me as being the definition of me? Why?
Beneficial Statements:
- I release the need to always be a hero.
- I release the need to always be a victim.
- I release the need to always be a villain.
- It is okay for me to be a hero.
- It is okay for me to be a victim.
- It is okay for me to be a villain.
- It is okay if others view me as a hero.
- It is okay if others view me as a victim.
- It is okay if others view me as a villain.
Hero/Victim/Villain of . . .
- Ancestral trauma
- Arts
- Assumptions
- Attitude
- Authority
- Beliefs
- Business
- Chance
- Chaos
- Circumstances
- Civilization
- Community
- Conflict
- Culture
- Destiny
- Disease
- Disorders
- Education
- Ego
- Emotions
- Environment
- Existence
- Expectations
- Fate
- Finances
- Genetics
- God’s will/punishment
- Government
- Greed
- Health
- Heritage
- Humanity
- Industrialization
- Laws
- Lies
- Life
- Misunderstanding
- My body
- My choices
- My mind
- My selfishness
- My spirit
- Obligation
- Others’ choices
- Others’ selfishness
- Paranormal
- Supernatural
- Perception
- Politics
- Progression
- Projects
- Reality
- Reason/logic
- Regression
- Relationships
- Religion
- Responsibility
- Scarcity
- Specific emotion
- Structure
- The mental
- The physical
- The spiritual
- The system
- The world
- Time
- Tradition
- Truth
- Vices
- Violence