The purpose of this post is to define and discuss the importance of positive interactions (including self-talk), joy, and reinforcement. Provided are journal ideas for each topic as well as a list of beneficial statements at the end a person can incorporate into their practice.
Definitions: courtesy of Oxford Dictionary:
- Condemn: express complete disproval of; sentence to a particular punishment; force some to endure something unpleasant or undesirable
- Consequence: result or effort of an action or condition
- Criticism: expression of disapproval; analysis and judgement of merits and faults
- Discouragement: loss of confidence; attempt to prevent something by showing disapproval or creating difficulties
- Encouragement: action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope
- Praise: express warm approval, admiration, respect, or gratitude of and toward
- Punishment: infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense
- Offense: breach of a law or rule
- Reward: a thing given in recognition of one’s service, effort, or achievement
- Effort: a vigorous or determined attempt; result of an attempt
- Validation: recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile
Positive Interactions Make an Impact:
Positive interactions and statements made by significant others were related to a child’s higher self-esteem. Negative interactions and statements related to lower self-esteem. (Burnett).
Positive self-talk led to better performance in athletes than negative self-talk. It was found that an athlete nodding their head in agreement with positive statements was impactful on their performance. (Horcajo).
Surrounding yourself with people who think well of you and you have positive interactions with is crucial to your wellbeing. Being a person who thinks well of your loved ones and creates positive interactions with them is crucial to their wellbeing. Creating positive interactions with strangers (as simple as saying “please,” “thank you,” “have a great day,” and the like) is crucial to their wellbeing as well as our communities as a whole.
If you are surrounded by people who speak poorly of you, to you, and you overall have negative interactions with, it is detrimental to your wellbeing.
Journal Ideas for Positive Self-Talk:
Do I have mostly positive or negative interactions with myself? If it’s negative interactions, why? Where did I learn that from? Is it true? What would it look like if I changed by self-talk to positive interactions?
What physical aspects do I like about myself? What mental/emotional characteristics do I like about myself? What spiritual aspects do I like about myself? What is something I’m proud of myself for? What is something I love about myself? What is something I’m grateful I did? What am I grateful to myself for trying or attempting? What lessons am I grateful I learned from my mistakes? What do I need to give myself more credit for?
What type of people am I surrounded by? Who verbally shows loves and support? Who do I have positive interactions with? Who do I have negative interactions with? For those I have positive interactions with, do I keep them close or push them away? If I push them away or stay away from them, why? For those I have negative interactions with, do I keep them close or push them away? If I keep them close or surround myself by those types of people, why? What is preventing me or blocking me from changing the type of people I surround myself with? Is there an aspect of myself I need to address?
Allow Yourself to Feel Joy and Excitement:
Being anxious about being and feeling excited, enthused, loving, and joyful can involve “if I’m excited and show excitement about it, it’ll be taken away.” It can start from childhood when toys or food was taken because adults thought being shocked, upset, or mad was “cute.” Or the person was jealous or upset about my joy and wanted me to hurt like they did. Not to mention potential religious influence where suffering how you connect with God. Or if I show joy, then the suffering I went through won’t be taken seriously. The “but you’re fine now so it must not have been a big deal.”
Journal Ideas for Joy and Excitement:
What does joy feel like to me? What brings me joy? What am I excited about? What am I enthusiastic about? What can I do to bring more of these feelings into my life? How do I feel about having situations that brings more of these feelings into my life?
Is it safe for me to be happy, joyful, excited, and/or enthusiastic? Why or why not? If not, when did this start? Who and what feelings were involved? Is it still true at this present time? What can I do to heal that past version of me that has a negative association with one of those feelings?
What feelings am I most comfortable feeling? What feelings am I most comfortable expressing? What feelings do I try to repress or hide? Why? How can I heal my relationship with this feeling?
Skinner’s Operant Conditioning Model: Definitions by Courtney Ackerman at Positive Psychology
- “Positive Reinforcement: a desirable stimulus is introduced to encourage a certain behavior” (reward when good without something [object, praise, etc])
- An addition to encourage behavior
- “Negative Reinforcement: an undesirable stimulus is removed to encourage the behavior” (reward when good by removing limitations [curfew])
- Subtraction to encourage behavior
- “Positive Punishment: an undesirable stimulus is introduced to discourage the behavior” (yelling and spanking)
- An addition to discourage behavior
- “Negative Punishment: a desirable stimulus is removed to discourage the behavior” (take away electronics and withdrawal love/ignoring)
- Subtraction to discourage behavior
The conditioning model mentioned above ties in with how children are raised. How many were only punished when they did wrong, but weren’t rewarded for the things they did right? How would this adult view asking for a reward (like a raise) for their hard work? How would this adult view people who give them compliments or praise? How many were raised with a blend, but the family still focused more on punishment than reward? How many were raised with adults who focused primarily on reinforcing good behaviors?
I played sports going up and I remember hearing adults scoff at us children getting participating trophies. They said we didn’t deserve them because we didn’t win. I heard this and internalized it. I ended up throwing away ALL of my trophies (even the ones where we did win) because I thought they were meaningless and I didn’t deserve them. Any time I won something I would question whether I actually deserved it. Granted, this was not only because of overhearing those adults gripe about trophies, but it had impacted me for a long time more than I care to admit. The sad part is, the definition of a reward is a thing given in recognition of one’s effort. So, getting a trophy for participating can be warranted because an attempt was made.
Journal Ideas for Reinforcements and Punishments:
What does positive reinforcement look like to me? How do I feel receiving positive reinforcement? How does it feel to receive positive reinforcement from God/Universe/Guides? How does it feel to receive positive reinforcement from the Earth/the physical? How does it feel to receive positive reinforcement from others? How do I show myself positive reinforcement? Do I perform positive reinforcement to others? How do I feel about that?
What does negative reinforcement look like to me? How do I feel receiving negative reinforcement? How does it feel to receive negative reinforcement from God/Universe/Guides? How does it feel to receive negative reinforcement from the Earth/the physical? How does it feel to receive negative reinforcement from others? How do I show myself negative reinforcement? Do I perform negative reinforcement to others? How do I feel about that?
What does positive punishment look like to me? How do I feel receiving positive punishment? How does it feel to receive positive punishment from God/Universe/Guides? Am I supposed to receive positive punishment from God/Universe/Guides? How would I feel if God/Universe/Guides reject positive punishment? How does it feel to receive positive punishment from the Earth/the physical? Am I supposed to receive positive punishment from the Earth/the physical? How would I feel if the Earth/the physical reject positive punishment? How does it feel to receive positive punishment from others? How do I show myself positive punishment? Do I perform positive punishment to others? How do I feel about that?
What does negative punishment look like to me? How do I feel receiving negative punishment? How does it feel to receive negative punishment from God/Universe/Guides? Am I supposed to receive negative punishment from God/Universe/Guides? How would I feel if God/Universe/Guides reject negative punishment? How does it feel to receive negative punishment from the Earth/the physical? Am I supposed to receive negative punishment from the Earth/the physical? How would I feel if the Earth/the physical reject negative punishment? How does it feel to receive negative punishment from others? How do I show myself negative punishment? Do I perform negative punishment to others? How do I feel about that?
Am I more comfortable with receiving reinforcement or punishment? Am I okay with receiving rewards? Is there a primary age I need to identify to address this? A situation? A feeling?
Incorporating Beneficial Statements: Adding Horcajo, Paredes, et al Head Nod Study to the Mix:
This is something you can try out based on the study mentioned above performed by Horcajo, Paredes, et al about the effects of an athlete nodding their head in agreement of positive statements.
While in the crossy-cross position (how to found in Aim for Average blog) and saying internally the positive statement, nod your head in agreement. See if the beneficial statement integrates more easily and more noticeably. Please let me know through comments or email if you notice a significant difference adding this to the crossy-cross position.
Beneficial Statements:
- I keep what I love.
- I keep what brings me joy.
- I experience joy.
- I experience peace.
- I relax.
- I deserve to relax.
- I deserve joy.
- I deserve peace.
- I accept praise.
- I deserve praise.
- I accept rewards.
- I deserve rewards.
- I am praised.
- I am rewarded.
- I am rewarded for my efforts.
- I receive positive reinforcement.
- I receive negative reinforcement.
- I give myself permission to receive rewards.
- God/Universe rewards me.
- I accept encouragement.
- I deserve encouragement.
- I am encouraged.
- The Earth/the physical rewards me.
- I allow myself to receive from God/Universe.
- I allow myself to receive from the Earth/the physical.
- God/Universe is always creating wonderful things and opportunities for me in the physical plane.
- Even when I make mistakes, I am still rewarded for the activities I do correctly.
- Even when I make mistakes, I am still rewarded for my efforts.
- I celebrate myself.
- I praise myself.
- I reward myself.
- I bring myself joy.
- My loved ones and I celebrate each other.
- My loved ones and I praise each other.
- My loved ones and I reward each other.
- I create spaces where I can rest and relax.
- I allow myself to rest and relax.
- I am grateful I am able to rest and relax.
- God/Universe helps me rest and relax.
- God/Universe supports my resting and relaxing.
- I choose to be around people who support my joy.
- I choose to be around people who support my enthusiasm.
- My loved ones and I bring each other joy.
- My loved ones and I support each other’s joy.
- My loved ones and I support each other’s enthusiasm.
References:
- Ackerman, Courtney E. (2023a, October 13). Positive reinforcement in psychology (definition + examples). PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/positive-reinforcement-psychology/
- Burnett, Paul C., and Andrea R. McCrindle. “THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SIGNIFICANT OTHERS’ POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE STATEMENTS, SELF-TALK AND SELF-ESTEEM.” Child Study Journal, vol. 29, no. 1, Mar. 1999, p. 39. Gale OneFile: Health and Medicine, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A57603785/HRCA?u=anon~9d1ec7ef&sid=googleScholar&xid=338b336b. Accessed 6 Nov. 2023.
- Dillon RS. Role of Cholinergic Nervous System in Healing Neuropathic Lesions: Preliminary Studies and Prospective, Double-Blinded, Placebo-Controlled Studies. Angiology. 1991;42(10):767-778. doi:10.1177/000331979104201001
- Horcajo J, Paredes B, Higuero G, Briñol P, Petty RE. The Effects of Overt Head Movements on Physical Performance After Positive Versus Negative Self-Talk. J Sport Exerc Psychol. 2019 Feb 1;41(1):36-45. doi: 10.1123/jsep.2018-0208. Epub 2019 Mar 25. PMID: 30909779.